It’s not you, it’s me.”

Ah yes, the classic breakup line … the verbal equivalent of bubble wrap: designed to soften the blow and cushion their exit. We’ve all heard it somewhere, and it’s been established in society to be an acceptable rationale for that circumstance. Funny thing: when it comes to stress, suddenly nobody’s saying that. Nope. When life feels like a pressure cooker, we’re all pointing fingers at traffic, our boss, the economy, Mercury being in retrograde – literally anything that breathes (or doesn’t). But maybe, just maybe, it’s time we hit ourselves with the emotional breakup line:

“It’s not them… it’s me.”

Let’s be real. Life can be highly stressful, like, “My brand-spankin’ new iPhone just fell out of my pocket into a ‘mightily seasoned’ Porta Potty” kind of stressful, yes? Why is that? Why is a life, where we are given free will to create whatever we like, so freakin’ stressful? As mentioned,  you can ask yourself: is it me? Is it you? Are we all losing our damn minds?  Am I genuinely stressed, or just emotionally syncing with my environment like a moody Bluetooth device? Negativity comes naturally – like gravity – it pulls you in without effort. Staying positive 24/7? That’s hot power yoga you have to walk to at 5am …  in the rain … no umbrella … no coffee in you … and you can barely touch your toes.  For most, nooooot viable.

Do you ever stop and realize how good we actually have it? Like, we live in countries where we can wear what we want, with no one forcing us into matching uniforms (unless it’s a bad wedding); we walk down the street without worrying about bombs (unless it’s Taco Tuesday with $4 beers and someone forgot their Beano); we’ve got running water at our disposal, and our grocery stores look like art galleries. The produce section is curated like the Louvre. One bruise or dimple on an apple and everyone’s like, “Ewww, get that peasant fruit away from me!”

And yet, some of our biggest pet peeves and stress inducers? Red lights, long drive-thrus, slow Wi-Fi, waking up tired in a soft, cushy, warm bed, our text won’t send properly, our fuzzy critter ignoring us after buying him/her a new toy and bed that, combined, cost more than our utility bill, and so on and so forth.

Again, you have to ask yourself, is my feeling of stress caused by what’s actually happening around me, or is it my response to it? You’re not going to like the answer. It’s YOU. I can already hear, “WHAT???? What about the innocent children being killed? What about the corrupt governments that promise the world and deliver more stress instead? What about the fact that there’s an Oompa Loompa in charge of the most powerful country in the world and he’s treating his position as if playing a game of Monopoly? To save yourself the stress of the last one, you don’t have to be the Bert to that orange Ernie. Awareness of what is going on is absolutely fine, however, allowing your emotions to get involved is not. This is about self-preservation.

I pride myself on being a beautiful person, and no, that is NOT an arrogant statement. That beauty goes away when I allow stress from the outside world to get to me. Your true world emanates from the inside first. Control over your emotional responses to anything is your power-house and that equates to self-love.  Self-love has been warped in the overall low vibration of the planet to be a “Rainbows and butterflies mixed with frolicking unicorns” sort of ideology, when I know that’s about as far from the truth as you can get – like a “one-size fits all” swimsuit. In fact, it’s a big, steaming pile of elephant dung. Ya, I said it. Lovely visual, right? Now take that sensory nightmare – the look, the smell, the texture (ewww) – and apply it to what stress does to your body and brain. When not equalized by a positive attitude, not good!

Perspective, perspective, perspective.

“Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change” – Wayne Dyer

Have you ever tried to explain stress to someone using science? Yeah… not many want that. Like, “So when your prefrontal cortex gets overstimulated…” — and BOOM, they’re asleep. You lost ’em. I, instead, I like to come from what I consider to be the only perspective that works. 

Perspective. I can’t stress enough how important that is, and yes, the pun was absolutely intended. *wink*

This is the energetic perspective.

I actually wrote a children’s book that says, “You must learn to LISTEN.  Listening brings knowledge; knowledge brings power, and power when applied = dreams come true!”

No, I’m not implying that any kid should start a pyramid scheme, nor am I promoting Disney.  I am, however, definitely suggesting you absorb the awesome, possibly new, perspective I am offering because it can only do good things for you!  Glass half empty, or glass half full idea, but it WORKS!

Your body loves to feel good!

REALLY absorb this statement: your body is an incredible machine that is responding to negative and positive vibrations all throughout the day and night, for, we literally are made up of energy, period. Your human body is a vessel for this energy, and has no choice but to react to the vibrations you are subjecting it to. Some intentional, some unavoidable … I get it. 

Reggae music vs. Death metal.  Pretty freakin’ obvious the difference in vibration and how your body responds to it.

It makes sense, then, that ANY sort of illness is a result of too much stress = inflammation in the body due to negative energy that has run its course.  That is what sickness is: disease = DIS = bad/negative EASE = good/positive energy.

The nervous system runs through your whole body, right? And when your brain sends that stress signal, your body’s like, “We’re under attack! PANIC! Then your brain adds, “UH OH! I remember this. Last time, it didn’t end well, so it’s going to happen again!  CRAP!  Protect, protect, PRO-TECT!!!” Here’s the thing: nothing’s actually happening right now. You’re literally creating that scenario with your memories that have been locked in your body (ALL over the place by the way, but that’s a whole other blog to blab about that on).

It’s like your brain is that one friend who can’t let anything go:

“Oh, remember that time in 2001 when you said that dumb thing? Yeah, let’s relive that… right before bed, and hey, you’ve done nothing to release it, so I’ll just remind you of it in the morning too”. 

For every action, there is a reaction. “+/-“

A large part of the western world simply hears the word meditation and is quick to dismiss it with a pile of excuses ranging from, “I’ve been meaning to try it but I just can’t seem to find the time”, to “I can’t shut my brain off” to “It just doesn’t work for me”. The funny thing is, the news, which is filled to the brim with negativity, is completely accepted by most to watch, even though people are fully aware that the stories are 90-95% negatively based. Your brain then runs that frequency over and over whether you’re aware of it or not. Meditation, once learned with patience and consistency, is 100% effective in a positive manner to deplete such negative garbage. So, WHY are the majority of people choosing what they are choosing? Does society consist of flocks of sheep, or powerful humans?

My dad used to say, “I like to stay informed. Informed about WHAT, Dad? Where are all the stories of people doing GOOD in the world to help create inspiration and positivism in our energy fields, as opposed to separation, anger and fear?  If all you’re observing is negativity, as like attracts like with regards to energy and vibration, then put it together, yes?  You are literally choosing to stress yourself out! Believe me, there are amazing things happening all around the planet, you just have to dig a little deep to find them. Again, backwards with what works … for the good of society, that is.

*Note*  I’m not suggesting you turn a blind eye toward anything that affects you directly, so don’t get your panties in a knot.  Just be real and admit that the news rarely does anything but cause you to shake your head in disbelief and feel as though the world is going to hell in a hand-basket, when, believe it or not, the power is in the vibration, and people are beginning to be more aware of that fact.

Here’s the truth: Where the mind goes, the energy flows.

So maybe, instead of letting your energy flow into stress, let it flow into something better, like pretending your ex never existed.  Even I smiled writing that one. *wink*

No really, what others may consider to be a useless hobby or strange interest doesn’t matter as long as it makes YOU smile and feel at ease (remember that word with no “dis” in front).  A lot of people may want to argue that such a statement is “ludacris” … that “it’s impossible to be that easy”. That’s because they have been taught to struggle. Too bad … It IS that easy.  We are taught in society that everything must be a challenge (negative), that it’s going to cost a fortune to PAY someone to help us (negative), when really, it’s all about  you, your perspective, and your choices (positive).  Make a choice in a crappy vibration, and guess what?  You’ll get crappy results, and vice versa.  *Like attracts like” no matter how to try and spin it.  It’s the law of  attraction (energy/vibration), and you are made up of it. That’s all you need to focus on! Good vs. bad. Your choice, and your results.

*Side note funny*  Picture this (metaphorically … and play both sides of the story):

You wake up just feelin’ it.  Like the world is yours for the taking and the Universe finally remembers your name.  Like everything is in sync.  Your alarm goes off, and BOOP! You’re awake with no feelings of wanting to chuck the clock or phone across the room.  You actually feel rested. No hangover … no mystery bruises or empty chip bags and/or candy wrappers found beside your bed.  Instead, you decide you’ll treat yourself to breakfast at your favourite local smoothy place.   

The sun is shining … the birds are serenading you … and your phone is blowing up, not with debt collectors, but friends saying, “Thinking of you”, “Have a great day!”.  You order, wait alongside the other happy, normally annoyingly obnoxious “morning people”, and go to pay for your delicious treat. It’s then you discover that the person in front of you paid for it, leaving a note with the cashier stating, “This is my thank you for brightening my morning with your beautiful presence and smile”.  You think, ‘today, I am the chosen one‘! Crazy chipper, your phone buzzes with a text from a coworker who reminds you of a meeting you had committed to.  It’s not mandatory, but you had said you were going, so why not?  You’re thinking, “Yes!  With this awesome vibe I’ve got going, if I show my eagerness, maybe I’ll be in line for a promotion or something!”    You arrive, and the meeting is marked, “Misery enjoys company”. 

Now, how do you think that’s going to go?  

You walk in … smile ablazing!  Your first, BIG mistake. It’s as if you can read what they’re thinking: “Who let the joy in?”; “Ugh.  I can smell her serotonin from here”.  They’re squinting, as if your smile is a solar eclipse and they forgot their glasses.  Instantly, in order for you to feel welcome, or feel as though you belong, you would basically have to meditate backwards to match their dumpster fire vibration, and what good does that do?  This happens every day, all day without many of us even realizing it.

Now flip it.  You are the grumpy one, and someone waltzes in glowing like they’re sponsored by sunshine.  They can’t stop talking about how life is “sooooo amaaaaazing” and how they’re going to “celebrate this beautiful day!”  Be honest … are you annoyed?  What does that say about your vibe?   Comparing yourself in every way, shape, and form to others is basically a human sport that almost everyone plays, so what do you do when that jealousy bubble pops up?  There are no wrong answers … just food for thought, yes?

Okay, I have another angle to take with this and honestly need to wrap this up or I could babble on forever!  I do so when, and because, I am passionate about helping others. *hug*

I cannot emphasize enough the immense power that resides within every cell of your body. By simply shifting your perspective and deepening your understanding of how your powerhouse body truly works, you can transform your life in remarkable ways.

I know, some of you might roll your eyes or cringe because it sounds a bit too “feel-good.” I get it – I used to feel the same way, but that reaction usually comes from never having experienced such a transformation yourself. The beauty of it all? It doesn’t cost a thing because it’s already within you. Who doesn’t like anything free as well?

Trust me, I’m not saying this from some perfect, stress-free pedestal.  I deal with life’s daily pressures too.  I’m right there in the trenches with you even more so in my life now as I write this, than ever before!  No joke (um, hello? Have you read my “About” page?). The difference now is, I’ve learned to work with my body instead of against it.  You know, this is really part of my own self-love and self-therapy because life is all about “give and take”.  When I help others by being real, and by being relatable, I’m also helping myself heal and grow. It’s truly a beautiful, fulfilling exchange, for, the more we give, the more we learn, and, therefore, the more we heal. Stress has no place in that vibration, and honestly, there’s nothing better than that.

With all of this said, as we know, life gets messy, so I want to share 12 common ways people in our society try to cope with stress. These methods that, while widespread, are ultimately ineffective in helping us heal.  Be honest with yourself (no one’s standing over your shoulder judging you … only the reflection in the mirror) and see how many you identify with.  

*Note*  I reflected back on my life …  my ex friends and boyfriends, my family, and of course, my own patterns of behaviour, and had to laugh and wince at the same time because of the twelve, SIX of these coping habits stood up like uninvited guests at a reunion, waving all excitedly and exclaiming “Hey heyyyyyy giiiiiiiirl!!! Long time, no accountability!”  Ouch. It’s tough to be completely honest with yourself, but awareness is POWER!  *smile* 

I’ll be expanding on these in my upcoming blogs:

1. Addictive Behaviour = turning to substances (food, alcohol, drugs, sex, etc)

2. Blaming others = externalization

3. Blaming yourself = internalization

4. Distancing =  avoiding communication and confrontation

5. Avoidance = intentionally avoiding social events or public affairs

6. Passive aggressiveness =  expressing negative emotion “behind someone’s back”

7. Disconnection =  keeping emotions and thoughts inside instead of expressing to those you trust and love

8. Humour = a “positive mask” for avoiding what feels uncomfortable

9. Attack mode = Like a cornered animal that feels threatened

10. Denial = a mode of protection, and self-explanatory

11. Sleeping = although needed at night time, when used to escape situations, it creates imbalance in your whole system

12. Projection = “Well, you do that too!!!” = wanting the other to partake in their feeling of guilt

Remember: we’re not broken for having bad habits or feeling stressed, rather, we’re brave for facing such uncomfortable feelings.  Every thought, and every decision, matters so greatly with regard to our stress levels and how we cope with them.

So here’s to owning our stories!  I mean, all of them … the good, the bad, and the “what the —- was I thinking?!” chapters.  By reading this blog, you have positively invested in full life rewrites, not just changing outfit styles or the wallpaper on your phone. Such investments create momentum in a positive direction, which makes you stronger, one real, unfiltered truth at a time. Be patient with yourself when learning the truth behind stress and healing. “Good things take time”, like untangling the friggin’ Christmas lights, or this blog would be useless, yes?

p.s.  If reading this, you made it to the end of my first blog and through all of my glorious rambling!  Whoo hoo!  I owe you a virtual hug … or high five … or cookie … your choice. I hope this little adventure gave you a giggle, a grin, and made you self-reflect. If it made your day a tiny bit brighter, I’m a happy blogger.

I would LOVE to hear your thoughts, so feel free to leave a comment or two! Hey, if you don’t agree with me, no worries, as long as we keep things respectful, we’re good! If you think someone else could use a smile (or a dose of questionable wisdom), please share this blog with them as well.  Don’t be a stranger … there’s plenty more where this came from.  Stay tuned for the next … and the next … and the next … *wink and smile*